Your Attention Please

I’m finally back from vacation with my husband. While I’m a bit sad my vacation is over, I’m happy to be back to my life’s purpose: helping entrepreneurs, artists, ADHD adults and other creative geniuses take advantage of and develop their strengths. Visit my Facebook page at http://tinyurl.com/adhdcoachand become a fan.

I realize that while I’m just getting back from my vacation, many of you may be on the way to your vacation. Vacation is a great time to reconnect with family, friends and activities you enjoy. It can also create chaos in your life, especially if you’ve managed to create structures and systems that work well for you.

ADHDers, I’ve who, with coaching have built habits, reached life-changing objectives and organized their lives fear losing what they’ve achieved because of the disruption that vacation brings to your day-to-day. After all, there isn’t any structure, no more commitments and no time clocks telling you when to be where.

Here are a few steps to felling more in control and yet still enjoy your vacation:

1. First, realize that you are not your systems and habits!
They don’t define you; they are tools you use to make your life easier. You’ll be able to create habits to support you while you vacation.

2. Continue using the habits and systems that don’t rob you of fully enjoying your vacation and that give you energy.
If you exercise in the morning, keep it up. If one of your habits is to make your bed as soon as you get out of bed, keep that up. These don’t take away from your vacation time and may increase your energy and reduce your distractibility.

3. Make lists
Don’t rely on your memory. Lists that will support you include a list of things you need to take with you, to bring back, to manage while your away (stop the newspaper delivery, get the dog babysat, getting your plants watered etc.), a list of activities you want to attempt to include.

4. Use your creativity and your sense of adventure to create a more exciting vacation.

5. Stick with your strengths and get help around your weaknesses.
Duane has a passion of art and a great sense of direction. He sought out the most wonderful works of art hidden off the beaten track throughout Rome. Without him, I would have missed most of the exciting things we saw, and I’d still be lost in Rome! On the other hand, Duane tends to struggle with administrative details like making travel arrangements, juggling reservation, tickets, insurance and organizing the finances, so I was happy to help out there. With each of us contributing to the effort using our strengths, the vacation was thoroughly enjoyable!

Vacations should be as fun as you remember when you were a child and summer holidays stretched out before you, filled with that tantalizing mix of lazy days and exciting new adventures. If you feel anxious before your vacation, remember that what you’re feeling is normal. Even if it is “as good as a rest,” everyone struggles to adapt to change. Applying these five strategies will help ensure your vacation is restful instead of stressful.

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My husband, Duane, and I are packing our luggage to head home from a four-week vacation in Italy.  As we packed, I remembered our last European vacation together 25 years ago.  We had fun on that trip, but we had several heated arguments during a 10-day trip.  This current trip stands in sharp contrast, as we both enjoyed ourselves without arguing.

How did we do it? When there is only one person you can have a meaningful conversation with (Duane and I are both bilingual - French and English - but neither of us speaks Italian) you have an incentive to avoid pettiness.  And maybe a 25-year marriage has taught us how to live in harmony.  But over the last four weeks, I’ve discovered a few “secrets” I can share with you that may help you make your vacation a blissful time together.

1.    We both remained open to allowing the other person do what they wanted to do.

Duane is an artist and a life-long devotee of Michelangelo and other great artists of the Italian Renaissance.  He’s dreamed of this trip since childhood, and of course, wanted to experience all the art he’d only read about. I can confirm that there is a lot of art in Italy! I think Duane wanted to (and did) see it all!  Though I’m more of a history buff, I went along with him even if I didn’t think I’d be interested because I knew it was important to him.

On the other hand, I wanted to go to Venice. As a child, I watched a show about a boy and his pony in Venice that made me yearn to see it first hand. Duane wasn’t keen on Venice, but knowing how important it was to me, he even encouraged me to add an extra day to our side-trip to Venice so I could really explore the sites.

We each benefitted by allowing the other to do things that were important to them.  I learned to appreciate Renaissance art and artists, which I had always thought to be dark and morose, and Duane gained a lot of inspiration from Venice, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

2.    Consider the consequences of verbalizing petty annoyances (and ignore them.)

Many times, when Duane did or said things that annoyed me or when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I chose to ignore these feelings.  I knew they were not worth the fight and reminded myself that I must also be annoying him and he wasn’t mentioning it either.

Spend a lot of time together and you’ll get on each other’s nerves. You can choose to ignore it; you can even choose to be in a better mood. Yes, you can “choose” your mood.  You do have a choice in how you respond to your moods and your partner’s moods, and the choice you make can make or break your vacation.

3.    Enjoy what your partner brings to the mix.

Duane, like many ADHDers, often acts like a big kid, always finding or creating fun in any situation.  He also has a great sense of direction, where I have none - if I’d come to Rome on my own I might still be lost in some museum or other!  I enjoyed his playfulness and being able to find my way with him, while he relied on my communication and project management skills to organize our stay at the various places we visited and to “translate” in my very bad and shaky Italian what we wanted.

This was a trip of a lifetime for us, a trip we’d dreamed of for many years and budgeted and saved up for more than two years. Being able to spend it in harmony provided us with memories we will share and enjoy for years to come.

Ciao!

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Surviving Your ADHD Couple When One Had It and the Other Doesn’t

I know that being in a couple where one person has ADHD can be a struggle. I’ve lived it with my wonderful ADHD husband, Duane. In May 2009, we’ll celebrate our 25th anniversary and I can’t imagine ever wanting to be with anyone more than with him.

From turbulent to bliss…

What started as a turbulent marriage has turned out to be an amazing journey with my soul mate. It took some work from both of us but it was and still is worth it.

Come and find out how we did it as Duane and I speak at a public conference presented by the Learning Disabilities Association of Quebec or LDAQ Montreal Chapter 1.

Surviving Your ADHD Couple: When One Has It and the Other Doesn’t

Wednesday, February 25th at 7:30 pm

at the Hôpital Montreal Children’s Hospital

Amphitheatre D-182, 2300 Tupper in Montreal

(two steps from the Atwater Metro)

P.S. Invite your spouse with you

The LDAQ appreciates a small contribution to help defray meeting and photocopying expenses.
 

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I keep reading discussions around the question of whether ADHD is a curse or a gift. Most ADHDers are divided on this. As an ADHD Coach, spouse and mother of ADHDers, I have seen ADHD in both ends of the spectrum.

On one hand my ADHD adults struggle to keep their jobs, keep a happy marriage, stay financially afloat. Many are overwhelmed, distracted, disorganized and have self-esteem issues. When you find yourself stuck in the negative aspects of ADHD, it’s understandable that you could see it as a curse.

On the other hand, others who see it as a gift usually excel in their jobs, or create a business they’re passionate about, keep the spice in their relationships, and are financially in control, to name a few. They tend to have a more positive outlook on life.

What’s the gap between these two realities? How do you close it?

The difference is that those who thrive with adult ADHD stay open to change and invest in improving their lives. They use their assets, such as their strengths, talents, energy, out-of-the-box thinking and risk-taking abilities and adopt ADHD-friendly ways to live. They change what they can and accept what they can’t.

Want to close the gap?

Join me for Get Your Year in Gear for ADHD Adults, a free teleclass, tonight, Monday, January 19^th at 8 pm ET. We’ll discuss how you can close the gap. Register at http://tinyurl.com/adhdgift

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Are you having difficulty reaching goals? Around this time of year, New Year’s Resolutions usually fall by the wayside. The average New Year’s Resolution only lasts 17 days, so what makes reaching goals so hard? It doesn’t make a difference if it’s a New Year’s Resolution or the goals we set the rest of the year. They’re all hard work, often too hard!

Experts debate over the precise wording of goals, as if that would make it easier to quit smoking, lose weight or spend more time with your kids. No, the secret to reaching goals has nothing to do with the wording of your goals, or even which goals you choose.

Commitment vs. Striving

First, you must decide, once and for all, if you are committed, or if you are striving. Striving, of course, is hard work. If you are fully committed, however, you no longer need to strive. Striving requires that you push yourself. Commitment doesn’t require nearly the effort once you’ve made the decision. Most smokers will tell you that “trying to quit” doesn’t work. The day you commit, however, reaching goals becomes much easier. The day you become a non-smoker, success becomes inevitable. 

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As an ADHD Coach, I know the powerful effect of positive attitude on ADHD clients. When my clients have a more positive attitude and live in more positive environments they tend to achieve more at a much faster rate than my clients who tend to ruminate or who are surrounded by very negative people. A session I attented at the International Coach Federation conference that united 1400 coaches from 26 countries around the world to learn, network, and be inspired.

However, Mr. Worth demonstrated that people around us have positive or negative effects on our energy, when he whispered to a woman on stage to think hateful and negative throughts about another woman on the other end of the stage.

When the first subject had negative thougths about the second woman, not only did her magnetic field disappear, but so did that of the object of the negative thougths.

On the other hand, when the first subject had thoughts that were highly positive about the other person, both she and the object of her thoughts saw their magnetic fields grow beyond their original neutral fields.

Anyone who know me, knows that I am a very down-to-earth person who is not easily convinced by all things esoterical. However, what I witnessed was quite convincing. It got me thinking about the repercussions of our thoughts, and particularly the effects of a positive attitude on ADHD clients, who often live very negative experiences.

The implications of positive attitude on ADHD

What can you do to attract positive things in your life

Of course, there are things you can do to improve your energy and your level of attractiveness:

1. Use a gratitude journal - spend time each day reflecting on and writing down at least 3 things you are grateful for today.
2. Choose to feed your optimism by:
   • Focusing on what pleases you immensely;
   • Focusing on solutions rather and problems;
   • Distributing happiness
   • Focusing on growth
   • Taking time to celebrate
3. Kill your negative thoughts by
   • Being aware of and controlling your internal dialogue
   • Neutralizing negative moments

Of course, the effect of the size of our magnetic fields is not all together clear; however, it makes sense that having a greater magnetic field attracts more positive in our lives.

 We emit a magnetic field

One session I found very revealing helped explain the effect of positive attitude on our own energy levels. Christian Worth, a coach from France, demonstrated with dowsing rods how each of us emits an energy field. This makes sense as our bodies use electricity fueled by chemical reactions in our cells to live, more, think. And where there is electricity, there is a magnetic field created.The magnetic field we emit various at around 3 to 5 feet in radius when we are in a “neutral thougth pattern”, that is neither thinking positively nor negatively.

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A national survey of 1000 adults with ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) was conducted recently in the US. What they found did not surprise me since they are the very issues my clients and I often coach around. Here’s what they found:

 I can tell you from personal experience both at home and in my business that this is a common problem. ADHD adults sincerely want to pull their own weight at home but they often forget their commitments because of chronically poor memory, they can’t get started as they struggle with procrastination and their easy distractibility means they rarely finish projects.

 50% of those employed worried that it could affect promotion possibilities.

ADHD adults make, on average, $5000 to $10,000 less revenue than their colleagues working at the same job because they struggle to get to work on time and to deliver quality work on time. They lose more than 20 days of productivity per year at work just due to distractibility and poor time estimating. Distractibility made 60% of ADHD adults unable to wrap up projects. Their poor quality output usually attracts negative attention so they are often passed over for promotions.

75% said ADHD greatly affected their ability to stay on task

Today’s work environment is not conducive to focusing on one priority or task at a time. Many distractions, such as email alerts and ringing phones, vie constantly grab your attention. In addition, ADHDers are interest-based performers, that is, they are able to stay on task when things interest them and they are able to work to their strengths, but they struggle to activate their brains activated in the face of boring tasks.

ADHD also affects their ability to work in teams

In today’s corporation, your ability to work in teams one of your most important skills. For many, team meetings or team activities take up a large portion of the work day, which makes it especially difficult to perform well for the 70% of ADHDers who said they had trouble concentrating on what others are saying, and for the 60% who reported it was difficult to sit still during meetings.

Unfortunately, reports of these types of research findings are rarely accompanied by offered solutions. Yes, these figures are alarming, but what can be done about it? Some companies are considering pre-emptive testing to ensure that they don’t hire ADHD adults. These corporations are likely to miss out on some excellent employees at a time when a company’s talent pool is its most important asset. After all, there is some good news.

These ADHD productivity issues are all manageable with appropriate training designed especially to help adults overcome the challenges of ADHD, training like The Maximum Productivity Makeover for ADHD Adults. With the right training and support, adults with ADHD will become valuable employees, contributing directly to the bottom line with their creativity, unconventional out-of-the-box thinking, and their high level of energy and passion.
 

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Version française

The biggest complaints I get from new clients is about their performance at work, problems with relationships as they fail to live up to their commitments with others, their tendency to procrastinate and wait until the last minute to get stuff done, and feeling that they don’t live up to their full potential because of these.

They think that these are different problems but they are really symptoms of the same problem: ADHD productivity issues. Learn to manage your productivity and these problems get solved.

Planning, organizing, engaging in, executing and following through on your commitments in your professional and personal life require you have a handle on your productivity. The problem is that ADHD adults struggle with exactly these issues because of their brain differences.

They try traditional time management systems like Franklyn Covey, Day Timer, Harvard that don’t work for an non-conventional brain. Often, the reason clients show up at my door is that they’ve tried these program and nothing worked. You have a Turbo Limited Edition brain so these programs’ don’t provide you with the right instruction manual for your brain.

You need a YOU Management program that recognizes your unique brain differences and allows you to work WITH your brain instead of against it. This means:

1. matching your brain’s natural energy cycles with the tasks on your To-Do list;
2.  creating ways to conquer boredom by “automating” the boring stuff; 
3. overcoming your tendency to procrastinate by getting at the root of the problem; 
4. using your natural strengths and talents to improve your productivity; 
5. controlling obstacles to your productivity, like interruptions and losing things; 
6. using a method to better manage your life so that you commit to and execute those activities that are important to you; and 
7. choosing tools that allow you to maximize your time and avoid problems.

 The most important thing to recognize is that trying to do things like everyone else does leads to disaster for ADHDers. You need to manage YOU by working WITH your brain not against it.

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Version française 

I just returned from the 13th ADDA Conference (http://www.add.org) called Adult ADHD: People, Purpose and Passion, and what a blast!

For adults with ADHD, this conference provides access to resource people (experts in numerous fields) and resources such as books, programs, and tools. Access to information through the numerous breakout sessions and motivation from the keynote speakers is unequalled anywhere, and it’s also a chance to see many different models for how to live with ADHD successfully.

At the same time, while the keynote speeches by Drs. Ned Hallowell, John Ratey and Sari Solden were definitely worth the investment and travel, they aren’t the most valuable treasures you get from attending such an event. As an adult with ADHD, you likely spend a lot of energy trying to meet “neuro-typicals” expectations. Trying not to ruffle feathers and dodging the proverbial bullet is stressful, exhausting and fraught with pitfalls.

Now imagine yourself with in a room 400 other ADHDers (hopefully more next year). They accept as you are, providing the opportunity to connect with others who deal with many of the same issues as you… most of them caused by trying to make the 90% of the population who don’t have ADHD happy! Even people who came to the conference alone left having forged connections with other ADHDers who accept and understand them. This is perhaps the most rewarding part of the ADDA conference experience: connecting with others who “get you.” Perfect strangers came together and shared their experiences as ADHDers without fear of ridicule or making a “faux pas.”

So often ADHDers avoid connecting with others fearing judgment (often with good reason). It’s simply too stressful to worry about doing something socially unacceptable. However, Dr. Hallowell (author of Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction among others) emphasized the importance of connecting with others who know you and love and accept you despite your “flaws.” It’s important for everyone, but absolutely for ADHDers to find someone in your life who can say:

“I know you and I love you anyway.”

If you haven’t found someone like that in your life, don’t give up! And I’ll see you next year at the ADDA conference!

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